My Half-Assed Musikmesse 2013 Report

When it comes to EDM innovation, Europe leads the way. But in the unbelievably loud electric guitar hall, the vibe is strictly 1993. You don't hear nearly as much bad shred guitar at NAMM these days, but that's pretty much ALL you hear at Messe.

Did I mention that the electric guitar hall was loud? It makes NAMM sound like a library.

I love the expressionist look of the Caligo model from German luthier Frank Hartung. He's clearly been watching the same movie as Robert Smith.

The Amathone model from Barcelona's Weiss-Hügel Guitars looks like a crazy, mad-scientist ax, and it is! I had a blast playing it. That rosette on the upper bout is an adjustable baffle whose setting fine-tunes the high-end content. I don't quite understand it, but the Weiss-Hügel website explains:

"When in Weisse Hügel we consider to make an instrument of hollow box, we think of creating something that was supporting the indispensable qualities of this type of guitars and that, in turn, had the most common problems completely decisive of these: Feedback problematic Final touch, Definition, Frequencies of cancellation (Notes of shade), Is absent of sustain in many cases, besides a relative versatility. The result has been the Amathone."

That should clarify matters.

I hope they get these guitars back to South Korea before Kim Jong Un makes his move!

Peavey created this uke for the upcoming FX series Justified Five-O.

At least you could play surf music on this lipstick-tube electric uke, from Germany's RISA.

Ever notice how much of the shimmery 12-string effect is really all about the high G string? This clever Dutch gizmo from Addventor mimics the effect via a removable seventh-string. You can even temporarily nix the effect by clipping the added string under the soundhole-mounted button. The only needed guitar modification is an extra notch in the nut.

If your Steinberger is feeling too bulky, consider The Bone from Switzerland. These micro-guitars actually sound pretty decent, with more low end than you'd expect. They also make a MIDI guitar and a faux-acoustic with a piezo bridge pickup.

The smallest Bone of all, the Mosquito, weighs in at under three pounds.

T-Rex Effects was offering free haircuts. I would have taken advantage of the offer if I had hair. Those nice Danish boys were kind enough to loan me a power supply after mine fried on Euro-voltage.

Oh man, I'd love to have a nylon-string classical bass like this one from Prudiencio Saez.

I was set up near this Guitar Grip installation. It received far more attention than I did.

You'll be strumming in style perched in your Mey Chair System, especially if you add the optional guitar and beer holders. They have many styles to choose from . . .

. . . including this special country-and-western edition.

German luthier Georg Beïs specializes in guitars made from nature's finest tonewood: leather! Shown here: the Samaria Nature model.

Folks smoke more in Europe than in the States. As a result, they've developed some highly idiosyncratic tobacco-based practices.

There's a special breed of bassists for whom six strings simply aren't enough. Such players require a Marleaux.

This crappy photo doesn't do justice to the this remarkable damascene finish on this Jens Ritter guitar.

Yeah, I could make some hippie-crystal joke, but Jens Ritter's workmanship is too remarkable to mock.

You already knew that Madrid's José Ramirez workshop crafts some of the world's finest classical guitars. But did you also know they made the world's prettiest shopping bag?

Speaking of bags! But now I want a handbag-shaped guitar.

I dig Anthrax's Scott Ian. Especially when he's three stories tall!

Rocksmith seems to be the opposite of Guitar Hero: a video game where the ability to play is actually an advantage.

In a perfect world, guitarists wouldn't need help keeping a steady beat. But we live in this world, so the BodyBeat Sync from Peterson Tuners could be a very helpful tool.