The gold medalist is wrangle, for his touching coming-of-age tale about the day he learned there’s a reason musicians say “One two three four” before they start playing. Tied for second: Mark Spangler’s harrowing near-death experience as Jeff Beck’s hand-picked opening act, and Roel Torres’s terrifying tale of being hoisted skyward by stage machinery. (Think twice before wearing a hoodie onstage, kids!) Both are worthy of reenactment on one of my fave guilty-pleasure TV shows, I Shouldn’t Be Alive.
Winners, send me your snail mail addresses, and I’ll send you something noisy.
Thanks to everyone who submitted a story, voted in the poll, or just read the stories and spewed coffee on their computers. Thanks for holding court while I was traveling, and for giving me plenty of good laughs on the road. In the meantime, I’ve pretty much gotten over jetlag, flu, and a mountain of postponed paying work, and I’ve got some cool and intriguing posts planned for the coming days!
You can read all the entires here. Or just the finalists here. Or just the winners after the jump. (more…)
I was just in Europe, but I’m heading right back — this time on vacation. We’re going to spend a few days knocking around some fave cities, then embark on a tour of Paleolithic cave painting sites in France and Spain.
Our Cro-Magnon ancestors had to contend with such hardships as poor stage lighting, inadequate sound reinforcement, and excessively reflective surfaces.
I know it’s hard to tell when I’m being sarcastic, but this time I’m not. I wanted to be an archaeologist as a kid, until my mom said, “Why? All you’ll do is sit in a closet polishing worthless scraps with a toothbrush.” (Fortunately, she was more supportive of my musical dreams. She never said, “Why do you want to be a studio musician? All you’ll do is sit in a closet polishing worthless scraps with Pro Tools.”)
Since I won’t be able to post and reply as often as usual until I return at the end of the month, I figured you guys could help me keep things interesting. Which brings me to the latest tonefiend contest: the Cro-Mag Comedy Competition!
The rules are simple, just like the musicians we’ll be poking fun at. All you must do to enter is post a funny musical anecdote to the comments section below. It doesn’t have to be about musical stupidity, though experience suggests that those are the funniest stories. Nor does it have to be about guitar, though there are few things stupider than stupid guitarist stories. (Drummer, bassist, and vocalist stories are the obvious exceptions.) The tales should be true, or at least sufficiently true-sounding to dupe the rest of us. If they involve real people, please change their names enough to avoid legal action.
I’ll winnow down the entires to a manageable number via some as-yet-undertermined means (dartboard, or maybe animal entrails), and you, dear readers, will get to select the final three winners, each of whom will receive one of my unique handmade stompboxes, created in a closet at my cutting-edge workbench out of worthless scraps premium mojo parts.
Enter as many times as you like — but please, only one anecdote per comment. Also, please post your anecdotes here on the site, rather than in Facebook comments. Stories can be as long as you like, but remember: Your judges will be musicians, so they may have difficulty grappling with complex sentences.
The contest runs till I get back, or till jet lag subsides — whichever comes last.
Here’s a sample story to get the ball rolling. Naturally, I’m ineligible for the competition because I already have enough crappy little pedals it’s the ethical thing to do.
I heard this one from one of my favorite guitar techs. He’s such a pro that he refused to reveal the identity of the musicians in question, though I managed to pry from him the fact that it’s a leading UK or Irish band you’ve probably heard of.
Anyway, the band’s bass player insisted on using a large, loud, miked amp onstage, even though the front of house guy used only the direct signal in the PA. “Please don’t use an amp,” the crew and band pleaded. “It leaks into the other mics. It screws up everyone’s onstage mix. It makes everyone’s life more difficult. You can have as much bass in your wedges as you like. Or wear-in-ear monitors. Or anything! But please, no amp!”
“Sorry,” said the bassist. “It’s my sound. What’s more, I refuse to step foot onstage tonight unless I see my amp up there with a mic on it!”
That night the amp was right where the bassist expected it, with the usual mic in the usual place. But unbeknownst to the bassist, the mic cable wasn’t connected to the sound system. The cable ran offstage, where it was plugged into … a cabbage, pilfered from catering.
Using the same “reasonably scientific” techniques deployed in my recent germanium fuzz survey, I’ve created a blind listening test that removes as many variables as possible from the equation.
The video details the testing procedures. But basically, the A/B recordings are identical save for the use of one pedal or the other. The rival pedals are Klon Centaur #309 (the unit reviewed in Guitar Player back in the ’90s) and a new BYOC Overdrive 2, a DIY Tube Screamer clone kit with extra knobs and pots to provide the most popular boutique mods.
This Klon would fetch north of $2,000 on EBay. You can order the Overdrive 2 online for $95.
Now, these two pedals are NOT identical circuits. (The key differences are covered in the video.) But they share the same topology and sonic character. It’s not an apples and oranges comparison — more like two apples of distinct but related varieties.
For the video I dialed in five different sounds from across the Klon’s range, and then tried to duplicate them with the BYOC Screamer clone. You’ll hear the same material ten times, like so:
Example 1: medium gain, medium tone
Pedal A =
Pedal B =
Example 2: high gain, medium tone
Pedal A =
Pedal B =
Example 3: low gain, medium tone
Pedal A =
Pedal B =
Example 4: medium gain, bright tone
Pedal A =
Pedal B =
Example 5: medium gain, dark tone
Pedal A =
Pedal B =
To compete, just fill in the blanks and copy your answers into the comments thread below.
The pedals might not appear in the same order for each pair of audio clips. Other than that, there are no sneaky tricks. (For example, you really do hear two different pedals for every example.)
The first three contestants to submit perfect scores before Tuesday, July 23rd, 2013, will each win fabulous prizes one of my hand-built stompboxes. On that date I’ll post the answers and announce the winners here, assuming there are some. You can still test your ears after that by watching this video and not peeking at the answers — but sorry, no more prizes.
Only one entry per person. Anyone caught circumventing this rule via multiple identities may be subject to global ridicule.
I’ll hold off on any sonic observations till I post the correct answers next week.
Good luck, and may the best ears win some gnarly stompbox.
I had no frickin’ idea that the Bad Body Building Contest would strike such a chord with readers. Granted, it’s not the prettiest of chords. I think it might be the one shown here.
Seriously — in 24 hours, I received well over 100 creations. I am humbled. I am moved. I am nauseous.
I’m posting a few “favorites” as a slideshow. This is only the tip of the iceberg. (“Iceberg” may not be the best metaphor, though. Perhaps if you envision a huge floating mass made of bacon grease, My Little Pony figurines, and moldy iceberg lettuce….) There are many, many amazing ones posted here.
Dang — I wish I had a white turtleneck and a Mosrite electric resophonic!
After some of the long-running contests around here, it was nice having a quickie for a change. San Diego-based steel guitarist Doug Meyer was the first of several readers to correctly identify the four iconic Bass VI riffs in the post on ancient strings. He wins a Seymour Duncan Pickup Booster, a cool clean boost pedal that sound fabulous on 6-string bass, not to mention standard-tuned guitars.
The tunes were, in order of appearance:
1. Glen Campbell’s “Wichita Lineman”
2. Glen Campbell’s “Galveston”
3. Elmer Bernstein’s “Theme from The Magnificent Seven”
4. Steve Earle’s “Guitar Town”
Glen Campbell not only sang those two classic Jimmy Webb songs, but played the beautiful 6-string bass parts. As most ’60s pop fans know, Campbell was a leading L.A. session player before becoming a star — he played with Elvis, the Everly Brothers, the Monkees, and on many Beach Boys sessions, including Pet Sounds(that’s him playing electric 12-string on “Sloop John B.”) [CORRECTION IN COMMENTS.]
About the ’90s reissue Bass VI that inspired my original post: I’ve always liked it, and I’ve used it on a zillion sessions, but I never thought it sounded as good as an original. Now I realize that it sounds just like an original — all it needed was the right strings! 🙂
