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Mutant Beauty Pageant: Enter and “Win!”

It’s time for another contest!

I hereby announce the first Tonefiend Mutant Beauty Pageant.

I know many deadbeats with too much time on their hands musicians, and most of them have a thing for weird gear. I’m talking real freak-show stuff, the items that make anyone who walks into your music room shriek, “What the hell is that thing?”

Here’s the idea: You post your oddities, and the coolest/weirdest item wins. They can be anything music-related: guitars, basses, amps, effects, CDs or vinyl, music industry swag, some crazy DIY project—anything goes! The winner will receive—well, let’s just say something as weird and cool as the stuff being posted.

As always, the rules are simple: Post a photo of your mutant item to the comments using your fave photo-sharing site, or email it to me, and I’ll post it for you. Yes, you may submit more than one item, with the only limit being my patience. Adding audio and/or video is even better. The finalists will be chosen by popular vote—in other words, by you, dear readers. Entires must be received by Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving.

Fine print: In the unlikely event that we receive a ridiculously huge number of contestants, I reserve the right to choose a subset of finalists. The exact voting mechanism is TBD, but will be reasonably democratic. Audio and video aren’t required, though I suspect multimedia submissions will have more impact. And the item must be yours—you can’t just go to a website like this one and swipe an image.

I’ll get the ball rolling with a recently acquired mutant: A 1930s Cathedranola guitar, made by the Slingerland drum company (note the gaudy drum-shell material on the fingerboard). I’d never even heard of the brand before I spotted this at my local cool guitar shop. If you Google “Cathedranola,” you’ll find a bunch of items stating a) how cool it looks, and b) how crappy it sounds. It’s not a true resophonic guitar (I guess Dobro had that patent sewn up), just a metal plate suspended above a cheap plywood body, which makes it a full-on mutant!

It’s quiet and plinky-sounding, and rather difficult to fret, but it almost plays in tune, and I like its homely, humble tone. It’s not valuable, but it’s, cool and weird. Here’s how it sounds in a mix with drums and stuff, both plucked and played with an EBow.

Bleak Street

No prize for me, of course—the whole point is to get rid of some weird crap I have sitting around showcase your curiosities. Surely you’ve got something strange you’re thankful for. Time to share your weird with the world!

By joe

More info than you could possibly want at www.joegore.com.

25 replies on “Mutant Beauty Pageant: Enter and “Win!””

Here is my mutant:

It’s a guitar I built in my basement
White Limba telecaster body with Bolivian Rosewood stringers
Mahogany bolt-on Neck (Gibson Les Paul scale, not Fender Telecaster scale)
Tone Pros wrap around tailpiece
Active Single humbucker placed in the BC Rich Gunslinger position
3×3 headstock design

This guitar seriously urks every Tele purist that sees it. However, it looks like a tele but sounds like a Les Paul on steroids… it’s my “go to” guitar

[IMG]https://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j287/ZDGuitars/Guitar%20build/Teleblaster%20limba/100_4872.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]https://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j287/ZDGuitars/Guitar%20build/Teleblaster%20limba/100_4878.jpg[/IMG]

I’ll start relatively tame. Since you started off with reso (or at least coverplated) oldies, consider this one:

https://i862.photobucket.com/albums/ab187/el_reclusa/elTrov1.jpg

This is a circa-’33 Kay DeLuxe resonator I got a few years back for the princely sum of a pair of Peavey speakers I wasn’t using. Mind you, when I got it, I had no idea how awesome it would be- it was literally in a grocery sack in about ten pieces. I had a longtime trusted repairman spend 18 months and several hundred dollars putting it back together- and unfortunately, it still needs some work, but it’s playable and cool. Though I since found a new luthier!

As far as I have been able to piece together, it’s basically a National El Trovador (Kay made at the very least the El Trov bodies) branded Kay. Apparently, Kay made a very few of these with a Schireson cone (which mine has, it’s an odd bird, a bowl, kinda like a Dobro, but with a biscuit-ish bridge like a National on a tall post), which made the Dopyera Bros angry. They sued Schireson (who semi-successfully built an arguably better mousetrap- you can somewhat adjust the bridge) out of business and told Kay to take a hike, hence the 500 or so original El Trovs and even fewer Kay DeLuxes out in the world today.

Sadly, the display on my camera is broken AND the hard drive with most of my photos on it has crashed, so I’ll apologize for the shoddy mobile phone photo- as soon as I find the backup of the photos of this thing’s innards, I’ll link to it. It’s interesting, to say the least…

Can’t believe I passed on a Cathedranola for $50 or so at a guitar show years ago. DUMB. Sounds great, Joe! I dig the tone, and the lovely playing is perfect for its sound. It reminds me of another odd bird I’ll show soon- a ’30s Regal Le Domino parlor guitar I sold last year.

I’ll throw one more out here. I’m not sure if it qualifies as a mutant, but I’m sure it’s plenty weird to most people, especially since the ’80’s ended 20 years ago.

This is a project of mine. It started out a Washburn A-5 Reissue from the ’90’s that someone apparently smashed, cracking the neck, body, and shattering an entire corner of the body. I rebuilt the body, but since it’s hard to hide that many potential seams with the automotive supplies I have available (I’m an automotive technician by day), I needed a finish that would make them as invisible as possible.

I’ve long admired the graffiti finishes that BC Rich did back in the ’80’s (I have a thing for pointy, garish ’80’s guitars), as well as George Lynch’s “Mr Graffiti” guitar. However, given the generally vulgar nature of most graffiti, as a Christian, I don’t think I’ve seen any graffiti finishes that are tame enough that I’d be ok with hauling around.

So, on the advice of a friend, I decided to try my hand at creating a “Christian graffiti” guitar. It’s not particularly elaborate and certainly not a pro job, but it’s definitely unique and gets lots of comments! lol

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1248396948767&l=b34e0d23b2

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1248397908791&l=7db6d66dbe

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1248397948792&l=8dc7b7dae1

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1248397988793&l=28e571ae90

Here is another one that I came up with. I called it Mutant Jazz so I think it fits what you are looking for.

https://zdguitars.com/Images/mutantfinal_05-1.jpg
https://zdguitars.com/Images/mutantfinal_02-1.jpg
https://zdguitars.com/Images/mutantfinal_08-1.jpg

It’s a semi acoustic thin body made with walnut back, sides and center block. It has a maple top and neck.
If you look, you will notice a but of BC Rich Warlock in the lower front horn and upper rear horn.
Its a set neck with 24 frets and a reverse headstock
It also has an active pickup in it…not sure why I did that!

I don’t think you’ll see BB King playing this ES335 spin-off anytime soon LOL
The paint is a textured stone paint with a matte clear coat over it.

I got this from reader Andrew Saliba:

Hey, saw your contest and thought I’d post my mutant beauty.

It’s a telecaster-copy fretless guitar. The body is from a Trinity River tele-copy, and that’s the original paintjob. The neck is a nice maple 2-piece that had a nice figure to it and was very straight; I don’t know the brand it was. I defretted it, filled in the slots with rosewood, reshaped the back, painted the fretboard, then oiled it with gunstock oil and used some epoxy on the fretboard.

https://www.tonefiend.com/wp-content/uploads/Andrew-Salibas-Leafy-Green-Star-Spangled-Fretless-Tele.jpg

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This just in from reader Edmund Morris:

heres a pretty weird one. my dad bought it in about 1980 from some mail order catalog and it is branded as a kay(but is made in korea, i think).

as you can see it has some onboard effects.

The neck broke a long time ago so dad replaced it with another les paul copy’s neck which means it is missing the original logo.

I think you’ll agree it’s pretty unique!

https://www.tonefiend.com/wp-content/uploads/Kay-Les-Paul-with-Effects.jpg

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Reader Betram Dehellemmes may not be a square, but well, his guitar….

hi there, this is my Mutant Beauty guitar – I’d better say that it’s a non-mutant guitar, the only one refusing usual fanciness and being just as simple as possible (the shape of the alu front comes from cutting an alu plate in one cut).

You’ll find here a video showing how it plays.

https://guitarren.blogspot.com/2011/10/mystery-unveiled.html

https://www.tonefiend.com/wp-content/uploads/Mystery-Guitar-final.jpg

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Sooooo…

Here’s an album of weirdos:
https://s862.photobucket.com/albums/ab187/el_reclusa/Weirdos/

I just uploaded these, I’ll caption them as I go, but a few of the things there:

-A “Ghetto Plate” reverb I built in 2005. Found the actual plate on the side of the road. Frame is entirely assembled from Lowe’s/Home Depot stuff. The driver is a “coneless speaker” thingy. Works kinda meh as an actual, nice reverb, but as a speaker, it’s AWESOME. And fun for creating easy feedback! The first wacky thing I made that started me down a pretty strange musical path.

-A couple of shots of my old band, e.i.o., in performance with the “Ghetto Plate”, the 2-string Junk Cello Amy and I built, the “Sitar” I used often in that band (an Old Kraftsman acoustic with a scalloped fretboard and a plank for a bridge, clip-on tuner pickup into a Sony Tapecorder 500A driving the plate reverb) and assorted Pandolins and whatnots of Mark’s. Band photos are L-R Me, Mark Smeltzer, and Amy Farrand.

-The “Bona Fide Muncher” Mark Smeltzer built ages ago. It belongs to our friend Sean now but somehow it’s been at my house for two or three years. Was once some kinda import Martin copy, now it’s 5-string guitar/banjo/resonator mutant. Sounds remarkably good. And you can play slide on it!

-Another Baritone faux-reso Pan guitar in progress. The F-holes are painted on. DiY piezo on the plate, banjo bridge, Rustoleum fake-National spraypaint.

-A Solid-State Kay 710 Reverb unit. Wacky, fun, and was just plain ugly when I got it. Germanium transistors!

-A Tel-Ray made Fender Multi-Echo oilcan delay. Sadly, doesn’t quite work right.

-Cigar Box Mbira. I’ve built a dozen or so.

-“Thumbelina”, another Mbira-ish lamellophone thingy I made five years or so ago.

-A Dean 6-string banjo. Unremarkable as an instrument really, but I like the “Tense Cactus” I painted on it on Tom Waits’ birthday, 2008.

Some of this stuff can be seen in action (or heard, at least:

https://youtu.be/Bx4VlvGHw3w

https://youtu.be/PmL5TRFUwWI

I apologize in advance for my chainsmoking and hair back then.

I think I´ll go for this mutant
All carbon fiber:

https://3.bp.blogspot.com/_pCLrnzM6w8I/TJl9gFlnCUI/AAAAAAAAAGA/WVXmXVDRDZE/s320/guitarra+handle+fibra+da+carbono.jpg

and perhaps, if we’re looking for oddities we should never forget this one: the IKEA guitar, made out of an IKEA multi-piece Birch butcher block:
https://www.zacharyguitars.com/070209_60.JPG

Of course there are worst things like this one:

https://cdn.dealsdirect.net/m/products/676/21676/3/product1_21676.jpg?file=Disney+Washburn+Hannah+Montana+Electric+Guitar+-+3%2F4+Size

Worst thing….its a Washburn
Love the sound of the Cathedranola, hope I get it!!!

Cool stuff! But I hope that’s, um, wishful thinking about the Cathedranola, ’cause that isn’t the prize! I just wanted to start the ball rolling by posting something weird. The actual prize is way cheaper than a vintage guitar even cooler than that!

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This just in from Feral Feline in Hong Kong:

Hiya Squiddles,

Greetings from pearl of the Orient, Hong Kong! My friend Yank is an artist who happens to play a mean blues guitar (National reso).

Please find attached a photo of me in Yank’s studio with a bass he … “restructured”.

Take a doublebass, detach neck, split body in two down the middle, take one half of body, turn 90 degrees and re-attach neck.

It’s not a great photo, but it’s the only one I have of it. The bass is playable, and chuck a piezo on it could be gigable, if not just giggleable.

Cheers,
Feral Feline

https://www.tonefiend.com/wp-content/uploads/Yanks-Bass-2010.jpg

By Post Author

Dave Wetherby just sent a picture of this splash of color. He says:

Hey Joe,
Here is a hand painted beauty. I call it the colorful guitar or I guess you could call it the color-caster. It’s just a cheap old ibanez that I picked up and painted and re-cut the headstock.
I put probably 40 hours into it between painting it and finishing it. It does play but I mostly just keep it as an art piece although the times I have used it or have had friends that have played it, it looks incredible under stage lighting and people always freak out when they see it.
-Dave

—
Dave Wetherby
Check out my blog if you like that sort of thing.
https://1corinthians4-13.blogspot.com/

https://www.tonefiend.com/wp-content/uploads/Dave-Wetherbys-Colorcaster-e1322349752971.jpg

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