Hey, has anyone checked out the super-cool “Body Builder” section over at Warmoth Custom Guitar Parts? It’s an incredibly fun interface that lets you select a guitar body and add all the appointments. Your dreams become reality before you very eyes.
Which is all well and good — unless you have really bad dreams!
How come nobody makes ’em like THIS?
Which brings us to the latest Tonefiend contest. Mind you, it’s not much of a contest, but that’s cool — it’s not not much of a prize either.
The “rules”:
1. Create a guitar body image using the Warmoth Body Builder (or other online guitar visualization tool)
2. Take a screen shot and post it to comments below.
3. Whoever creates the weirdest/funniest/ugliest image wins a weird/funny/ugly stompbox. Enter as many times as you can stand like!
No voting this time — I pick the winner, to be announced next Monday, the 21st. Runners-up will be enshrined here in a “Hall of Shame” slideshow.
Note #1: Not all of Warmoth’s body types feature the realtime animation function — you’ll probably get the best results with Teles, Strats, and Jazzmasters.
Note #2: This is in no way a put-down of Warmoth. I love their stuff, and I truly dig the Body Builder — what a fun way to conceive a guitar! It’s just one of those tools that’s impossible not to abuse.
You know — like guitars in general. 
UPDATE: Reader AiXeLsyD13 shared this link to a list of online virtual guitar builders. I hereby declare these tools — none of which I’ve tried — fair game. In other words, you may use any online guitar-visualizer tool — but no cheating with Photoshop or other image-editing software. And photos from life are definitely off limits, because I’ll never sleep again if I find out that some of these things are actually out there…waiting.
Also: The Warmoth builder can be a little funky. Sometimes it skips past some hardware steps (i.e., the all-important woefully mismatched knobs). Sometimes the selected pickups don’t appear through the pickguard. You just have to fiddle around till you get something, um, memorable.
That’s it for now. I’ll be back later after I finish clawing my eyes out.
ANOTHER UPDATE: The good-natured folks at Warmoth have posted a few of these on their Facebook page. Warmoth’s Eric Wylie definitely got into the spirit of the project: “We know customers spend a lot of time on the builders coming up with crazy ideas,” he writes. “I suspect our own staff has spent plenty of time dreaming up the hideous….”
So, can we enter more than once? Ha ha. I’ve seen some other guitar builders, haven’t monkeyed with this one yet. What fun!
Rock on!
Yes, enter as many times as you can stand like! 🙂
What are some of the other online guitar builders? Please advise. I may have to revise the “rules” to permit any similar sites!
No problem, there’s a good list here: https://guitarwtf.com/2012/04/27/free-virtual-guitar-builders/
It includes:
https://www.usacustomguitars.com/virtualguitar.html
https://www.fender.com/community/guitarbuilder/
https://www.baileyguitars.co.uk/builder/
https://www.frankmontag.com/
Rock on!
Mine is a beauty.
O.O
this is a bad sign. I really like those bodies you built.
Phenomenal :pity:
let the fun begin
Please note the three neck bolt holes, so not only is it ugly, it won’t stay in tune very well either.
Hey now! I used to have a seventies strat (only reason I don’t still have it is some MF stole it!), and it had a 3-Bolt Neck. I gotta admit, I was a little crazy back then, doing a lot of Buddy Guy/Hendrix stuff, and it would snap out of tune. But one day I discovered that if I yanked the neck (that didn’t sound right) in the other direction it would actually go back in tune (maybe not perfect, but close enough to finish the song)…
Betcha WON’T play this! 😀
AiXeLsyD13‘s right: there’s “Kisekae” software out there, and many guitar builders currently allow you to design your own model on their website using it! 😉
Yeah, I’ve seen a handful, they all seem to have some bugs… or they’re not always clear with all the options. Ha ha.
I was gonna put a neck pickup in there but they didn’t have any available that fit that route
https://i1094.photobucket.com/albums/i445/Evil_Pun/guit1.jpg
:shake:
Id actually play this
This one’s pretty good
How do you like them apples??
I actually really dig those colors. Ha ha. The knobs/hardware are nutty…
nothing against left-handers but that always looked a bit tackier to me
other guitar builders i’ve used
https://www.yajimastringworks.com/tct/yswtct-kisekae-e.asp
https://www.offsetguitars.com/dressing_room/index.htm
I tried so hard to make it ugly. And yet I still want it. Its like a leopard vomited on a Strat that nobody wanted.
Really cool tool btw
Kisekae.
ther´s mine
this one I just feel so dirty having created this
and this one… :cuckoo:
enjoy!
Call it the Hulk
Couldn’t steal one like this! I wish we could put necks with it, you could have some REAL fun!
this one reminds me of me.
Raw..like it’s coming from an old barn or something
Here’s one
a Guitar like this should never happen in nature.
…
Holy cow! This actually reminds me a LOT of an Ibanez Talman I owned when I was in my late teens. Almost the least aesthetically appealing guitar I’ve ever owned, but it was actually pretty decent!
It’s gotta have a rooster head to rock.
wow, endless fun! 🙂
i couldn’t get more ridiculous than this (for now), i’ll definitely be posting some more ‘models’ 😀
p.s. please notice the excuisite placing of the control knob…
Oh, yeah.
K, where is everyone getting the hardware on their’s from?
While none of the pickups I chose are active, I REALLY need to have a double battery box.
And I love how with the right handed reverse option leads to the floating strap lock. That should be real good at keeping the strap on.
Gross
here it is
If you amend the contest rules to include other guitar builders, I have a good one for ya…
I built that beauty with… https://www.frankmontag.com/
How did you post that image? I made one and I can’t figure out how to post it.
Hi Andrew!
When you click “REPLY” to a post or comment, you get a screen with a bunch of silly icons. Down below them, there should be a button that reads “Choose File.” Click it, and then navigate to the image you’d like to upload.
You can use the Print Screen button to grab the image, paste it into image software, crop, and save as a *.jpg. Then follow Joe’s directions to upload.
forget that last comment, here’s mine
and the front
Fun contest. Let’s bring on the ugly.
This is my favorite that I’ve made so far.
Jag
I call this “Fugly Burst”
https://imm.io/pr5R
I feel like I’m gonna get my ass kicked at hoops by Prince and the Revolution…
the best (worst?) i could do
My invention, I call it ‘Mad bastard’
Some mo’ ugly for ya
Man, now I’m developing a problem.
That is really…something.
Which builder did you use?
For this one, I used the offset builder mentioned by <b>Jeff</b> above: https://www.offsetguitars.com/dressing_room/index.htm
Today’s response has been amazing. The only problem is…I see a lot of similar guitars every frickin’ year at the NAMM show! 😉
Sadly, I bought a leopard-print pickguard that I’m planning on putting on a woodgrain Strat knockoff… and changing all the hardware out to black… and I just ordered those tigerwood knobs from my local guitar store…
Introducing the UG(ly)
NICE!
Holy CRAP!
Heh. Now I really have a problem.
Holy cow.
This builder is NUTS: https://www.yajimastringworks.com/kisekae/tsubasa650/base1.asp
I would definitely not play this crap 🙂
It’s too much fun to stop.
I know! Haha.
bleeeurgh
The great French novelist Flaubert spent his life searching for the perfect word (le mot juste).
I only started the contest this morning, but Gavin has already nailed le mot juste: “bleeeurgh.”
Definitely ugly..
Nice.. In a disturbing way.
hnnggcaster reporting in
Nice!
hnngggcaster deluxe
Purple Fiction #)
Ugggly
Here it goes!!!
I have to try some of the others.
Here’s another
It glows… Ick
Cool contest, and to think I thought spending countless hours screwing around with virtual guitar builders was a waste of time. I call mine “The Tripping Cow”
Hey Matt! I like your site :).
Thank you, I am glad AiXeLsyD13 made me aware of your contest, I am finding a lot of interesting articles on your site.
Matt’s site does rock! I read both you cats regularly, ha ha.
Nice one, Matt!
oh boy
:poop:
That’s definitely a good one.. Top three, if not winner!
I love the knob/switch placement. Ha ha.
cool idea
ANOTHER!
:pity: Real funky. :pity:
😛
yeahhhhhh
:alert:
with fender builder
This is my creation
I JUST CANT STOP
I know the feeling.
This is wildly entertaining.
usa custom
:borg:
con https://www.frankmontag.com/sc_guitar.htm
Yucch
It’s so purdy! Gimme a big ole kish! :cuckoo: :poop: :noshake: :ban:
Take THAT, First Act!
Hahaha nice one!
I hope this is ugly enough.
Ahhh the look of puked condiments on a violet guitar.
Entry 2, I hope this is ugly enough as well.
Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. 😉
Here’s some ugly…
I might actually play this!
Such a beauty…
This is gorgeous! NOT!
The Ugtastic.
Hmmm why not post a few more. 😀
Hey — I’ve been seen playing worse! 🙂
eeeeeew
I name it… Supafly.
whoa :cuckoo: :shake:
Ugly?
now that’s ugly!!!
Woah, all your axes are really… special. Mine’s the Quilted Terror:
here it is
greenish relic les paul with a p90 bridge pickup and a bigsby vibrato
enjoy 🙂
I couldn’t let this one go by without my contribution. I introduce to YOU!…… LA GUITARA, designed with the reliance on my Italian heritage…. Notice the camouflage colored neck so that you can hide those special arpeggios you don’t want to share with others. The f holes, especially to get out those screaming top end notes only an japanese Shamisen player could appreciate… enjoy.
I don’t know what to say, I’m ashamed of what I created. LOL
You want ugly, you get ugly
Notice the 5 way selector switch inside the guitar.
:alert: Flower Power :alert:
lol here’s my entry
Here we go now !
Wow Joe! Looks like you got your work cut out for you!
Bet you didnt think you’d get this much of a response!
O and thanks a lot for showing me these “builders”. Fussin around with them when I should have been getting much needed sleep!
first
second
I actually like mine, same pickup config as a strat I actually have!
:ban:
:beer:
:pill:
:1up:
damn!!!
how do you post a pic here?
When you reply to a post or a comment, you should see a button that says “Choose File” beneath the silly icons. Use that to navigate to the image you’d like to upload.
Thanks Joe,
let’s see now…
Fugly
I love it
You love it!
We love it!!
Your mom loves it!!
Your girlfriend loves it!!!
Italianate…. Diavolo
Uh-oh — I actually like that one. Kill me now.
I’d agree… that one’s not ugly. I mean, I generally hate gold hardware… bit the red & gold over-all works.
rainbow strat
The “Homer”
Click to enlarge
This is my next guitar… only…. if she who must be obeyed allows me!!!
Hey — don’t ruin everything by posting guitars you can actually stand to look at! 😉
The Patriotic Boombox
Yes… my guitar is my mistress…
Click to get a closer view
Not sure which category this one fits into, weird, ugly or funny…. sorry Joe… someone had to do it. Might as well have been me… :shake:
Weird AND ugly — and not nearly as funny as it thinks it is. 🙂
The Daring Orange Horror (D’OH!) was designed not only to look horrible and never match your clothes: it is also finely crafted to make playing the most obnoxious and awkward experience you’ve ever had. Be it the input jack and toggle switch being in the way of your tremolo bar or having its three varied pickups nudged together where you’re likely to hit them with your strumming hand, the whole design is finely tuned to keep you from playing all day long!
It also displays a notorious lack of sonic variety with its El Cheapo- designed pickups placed as close as possible to minimize your chances of sounding anything but UGLY! Its three pickup-volume knobs and master volume are also sure to keep this one-bad-trick-pony right where it belongs: under the bunk bed in your basement!
The D’OH! is also anything but a workhorse! Its hollow body full of holes in all the wrong places and strategic lack of protective lacquer to at least keep the thing together is sure to break in the middle of any bedroom session you attend.
Do get one tomorrow (you can’t try ’em in a shop near you… the dyslexic lemurs in our workshop only put out a whole guitar once a moth, so it’s not like we’re gonna get proper distribution up and running anytime soon!) and you’ll have a guitar you’ll never want to get out of its (not included) case!
Those damn dyslexic lemurs will get you every time.
LOL
Holy crap.
If this were real, it should come with a warning that says “may cause seizures”.
Hahahahahahaha that’s BRILLIANT! I want one.. That would be the funniest guitar to carry around.
This needs 3 more necks & someone to play “Surrender” on it.
OK, you beat me to it! I was gonna say this looks like something that rick Nielsen would actually play…
Just placed my order 😀 lol nott
<a href=”https://s46.photobucket.com/albums/f128/dayub/?action=view&current=guitarra1.png” target=”_blank”><img src=”https://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f128/dayub/guitarra1.png” border=”0″ alt=”Photobucket”></a> <a href=”https://s46.photobucket.com/albums/f128/dayub/?action=view&current=guitarra2.png” target=”_blank”><img src=”https://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f128/dayub/guitarra2.png” border=”0″ alt=”Photobucket”></a>
https://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f128/dayub/guitarra1.png
https://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f128/dayub/guitarra2.png
i must be a cheetah for entering this into a contest ;P
not exactly the most pricless Jem
The tone comes from the yellow dye in finish
Not a submission, but made these a while back while trying to beg a local dairy to sponsor a Turner’s “Iced Tea” guitar for me…
https://aixelsyd13.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/tea-guitars.jpg
Heh.
They are pretty ugly, though.
Did your plan succeed?
Well, no… but I did get 3 free T-shirts & some stickers for the band. Ha ha.
Man, this is awful.
I meant, this is awful:
The 80’s called, they would like their guitar returned.
Some of these are god awful ugly – but damn if some of them are pure awesome!
So, if you ordered this would they really build it & put their name on it?
What about an ugly guitar on an ugly guitar?
I call it “Explosive Diarrhea After Fruit Loops”
psycho magenta
I am not willing to make anything uglier than this.
Look my guitar is…. ugly
I couldn’t decide between two color schemes:
Puke-green X-mas-burst or Pink Tiger Stripes.
So I used both!
And don’t ask me how those controls that are right over the f-hole stay on. Or what the 5-way does when there’s already a 3-way.
The most important thing is that it’s aged, so somebody must’ve used it a lot.
I did good, yes?
Tell me this ain’t ugly!
Here’s another! I call it… VOMIT!!!
And another!!! I have way too much time on my hands…
Last one, I swear.
The knob under the strings controls mileage… and density.
Have to use paint to change format from png to jpeg hope thats ok ? And this is about as god-awful as I can do
I knew you had at least one more in you! 🙂
Here’s mine from Bailey Guitars tool.
Sorry I guess I used the SG tool from Frank Montag’s site. But a hollow body SG would be a trip.
oops sorry about file name… here it is…
Think the camo neck might make it actually impossible to play !
Nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon.
Every one of these I make kills my soul just a little more
I need to take a shower now. Wahaha!
Ha! You found the “cat ear” button on that one. Ha ha.
The O’range-master.
its getting bad Joe, im starting to like these things.
one more to give the warmoth maker some love, or hate.
Okay. So this is my fourth and final attempt. I decided to get creatively ugly with this one. Look carefully. With a magical silk top hat, this monstrosity might just sing and dance. God, I hope not.
….
paul gilbert would be pleased…
.
Thanks for sending that one all the way from Venus, Zontar! 🙂
Another one…
and another
one more…
I would just love to see a room with all these guitars hanging on the wall. the collective putrescence would be amazing.
I’d rock every last one of these, make em all look good!
Some of of these really hurt my eyes! But they serve as a good learning experience.
I dont know, I must be a plain jane cuz I wouldnt be able to rock any of these, Id be too embarrassed. Its funny how this whole thing started out. . It was pretty much serious. Then somewhere it took a wrong turn! Now most of the last ones submitted look like an alien took a s**t on them! (even puts some of those axes from the 80’s to shame)
Those are just too much.
Look at this crap, simple – yet ugly as hell!
Another one..